The Resistance, as always, is evolving and experimenting. We are one faction of those fighting for the future: a group of writers, thinkers, and artists using our powers to fight imagination with imagination. Through a pirate communications channel (CoLab Radio), we are imagining Alternative Futures – creating stories to question the existing dominant power structure and (re)build our own.
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I was a young man when I learned about the Plan of Salvation — not the one they tell you when they come ‘round knocking on doors. The real Plan of Salvation. It was in a conference room in Salt Lake, though I s’pose it could have been anywhere. All these conference rooms look the same — down to the color of the upholstery on the chairs. I swear, if I didn’t know better, I’d say they’re all the same amount of worn and in the same ways too — that’s how meticulous of planners these Saints are. Of course, with a mission of such magnitude and cosmic importance as they have been entrusted with, they ought to be well-organized. You’d have to be to pull off a stunt like the resurrection and preservation of all of humanity.
I’m not a Saint myself, which is why I was so surprised to receive an invitation, to the holy of holies, no less — Salt Lake City. I’ve been courtin’ them all these years with my stories of Israel and Judah but I figured after not hearing back for so long they just weren’t interested. You can imagine my surprise when The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints sent Elders Ephraim and Manasseh, two handsome young messengers of John the Baptist, to tell me there was something they needed to discuss with me. They weren’t tryin’ to convert me, I was assured, but the matter did concern my immortal soul and the possibility of everlasting life. So after they agreed to put me up in a hotel and pay for my plane ticket, I made the great pilgrimage out to Deseret. You know, it’s funny — when the Mormons were building Utah they built a synagogue, even though there were no Jews. Their rationale was pretty sound though — a free synagogue to whatever Jews would come. They came, and so did I. Of course, I wasn’t offered a humble house of worship — they had to ply me with good looks and secrets of cosmic governance and the end of Time. They know me all too well.
I suppose you’re wanting to know what they told me, then. Well first you ought to know some facts. A lot of Saints — that’s what they like to be called, not Mormons, Saints, so I call ‘em Saints — a lot of Saints work for the intelligence services of the U S of A. The CIA, the FBI, the NSA — they all tell you that Saints make good agents, because they are dutiful, honest, and painstakingly attentive to detail, what from all those years of having to iron their shirts and ties and cover up their indiscretions with their companions meant to shield them. They shield ‘em all right… but now I’m getting personal…the real reason there are so many Saints in the intelligence services is because the security-industrial complex is playing right into their hands. That’s right — it’s a genuine conspiracy — Joseph Smith’s revenge, we might call it. The Mormons have taken over the deep state.
But there’s something of a twist here. Or rather — there isn’t. We’ve been trapped in a spiritual prison for so long now that it is hard to tell who is good and who is bad, who’s locked up inside and who’s got the keys. Well I’ll tell you — the Saints aren’t the bad guys. They’re called Saints after all, and they ride bicycles, and love their children. They might name ‘em things I wouldn’t, like Ephraim and Eleazer, but, is that any worse than all these Chandons and Patches running around? Everything is so screwy now that we’ve started thinkin’ people are weird or strange just because they take their own beliefs seriously and try as best they can to live up to them. In a world where practically no one believes in anything except their own immediate sexual gratification, any kind of spirituality starts to look like a cult — or occult. But I assure you, the Mormons are neither, well, truthfully, they are the latter, but, that sounds so negative. Occult just means ‘hidden,’ and gee willikers do they have some secrets.
But they’re not bad. They’re the good guys. And the only reasons they have secrets is because if they were just out there in the open no one would believe them and if they did they would kill them just like they put Christ up on that cross. He said he’s comin’ back, you know, Christ did. Like a thief in the night. That’s part of why the Saints have infiltrated the intelligence community — to make sure that all of our new-fangled security systems and burglar alarms won’t function properly when the time comes for the celestial prison break. That’s right, baby, Jesus is will be back, with a sword and a mighty hand to crush the chains of this world and set us all free from sin and bondage and what not. More about that later.
The Saints have a clear place in all of this. They’ll tell you all about it, if you just ask them. In fact, you’ve probably already heard about it — and scoffed. The Saints believe in something called a ‘pre-mortal existence,’ that you and I and all the rest of us once lived as spirits in a heavenly realm before our birth. We’ve forgotten this though — which is a part of the plan. The Plan of Salvation, I mean, you see, according to the Saints, we’re here to save ourselves. We threw ourselves into this hellish world as part of a program of spiritual development, so that we may came to know God, our Heavenly Father, in every way we can. You know those ‘escape the rooms’ that host corporate leadership trainings and childrens’ birthday parties? It’s like that, only infinitely more complex. Eventually, they say, we will ‘escape the room,’ so to speak, and get back to Heaven, where we will be judged on our performance by our parents, and then, enjoy cake and ice cream of eternal life. Takes a lot of faith to wrap your brain around that one, right? That’s why folks says the Saints are nuts — I don’t think they’re crazy, though. If you ask me, it’s everyone else.
I mean if you really think about it, just for a moment, I mean really think about it, this story does make sense. Or at least, it’s a really good story. The greatest story ever, actually, seeing as it contains within it the writing and reception of every other story ever told. We are writing the history of human kind in this room, ya know. And that’s the story of how God came to be known, and frankly, that’s pretty sweet. What’s more remarkable is that we have leading roles in the plot but we don’t like ourselves enough to act the part. God trusted us to be the movers and shakers of reality and it seems like all we can manage to do anymore is fight over green pieces of paper pretending to be food. Thankfully our Heavenly Father is a decent guy and he appointed the Saints to make sure that we couldn’t mess up. This ain’t no ordinary game of monopoly — the stakes are real high. Life and death hangs in the balance.
You see, the whole thing about all this stuff about death and resurrection is that it isn’t metaphorical. It isn’t just a fairy tale we tell children and ourselves to avoid facing the reality of death. It’s really gonna happen — at this point I am convinced of it. And there’s nothing particularly supernatural about it, though it is miraculous. You see, the Book of Life, the record of everything that there ever was and has been from which your life will be read on the Day of Judgement — it exists in the physical world. Sort of. It’s not a book. It’s a massive data center in the middle of the Great Basin, capable of storing an essentially unlimited amount of data. The Saints made sure the NSA located it close by, for easy access. It’s got everything in it — every book ever written, every email you’ve ever sent, your entire internet browsing history. The Saints got it all. They got your DNA too — did you think ancestry.com was just for personal edification?
When the time comes, and that’s not something that a stump like me is privy to know, the Saints will use it all to recreate everyone that has ever lived, only, it will all be at once. They’ve got all this high technology in their temples that the rest of us ain’t privy too either. Cloning machines, particle accelerators, fusion reactors…they’re plannin’ to use it to make this whole world anew. Hell, they say Kansas City will be a veritable Garden of Eden, and we, we will be like God then. This world, they say, will be just like home, our real home — heaven. Nothing will be missing, here, then, not even the presence of the Divine. And it is we, through our brother Jesus, that will sit at the right hand of the Father. And, for those of us who have made the necessary preparations to do so, we will become divine parents ourselves, with our own spirit children, and all will be exalted.
The high prophets claim to have seen our Heavenly Father — they tell me He walks on two legs just like you and I, with two eyes, and a face. If you didn’t know better, they say, you’d think he was just some guy, that he could be anybody else. He sails through the Cosmos in a ship which the ancient Israelites called a pillar of fire and we would call a UFO. But He isn’t an alien — that’s the whole thing, He really is just like You and Me. He moves and acts in the world — The Archetypal Man had a bad experience in Roswell and men have been reluctant to ask for directions anywhere ever since. So make no mistake: He’s our creator, and He loves us very much, and one day, one day soon, He’s coming back to see us.
Won’t that be somethin’?
This is what I call an ‘alternative-conspiracy theory.’ I have always liked conspiracy theories. I rarely believe them to be true. But I do find they often have the right dots, just connected in the wrong fashion. Such is the product of the mind that is motivated by fear. Conspiracy theories have in common a belief that there is someone running the show behind the scenes and that they’re malevolent. This is, of course, not nearly as terrifying as what most people believe to be true, that there’s no one in control at all.
But what if there is? What if we took seriously the belief that there is some higher purpose to all of this, that there is a someone behind the scenes? And more importantly, what if this person was not evil, but fundamentally good? I suspect we would live our lives differently if we believed that to be the case — and that belief may be enough to make the case true. Indeed, what difference is there between a conspiracy theory and prophecy? —M.